Breaking Code

January 5, 2009

Topo Facts!

Filed under: Just for fun — Mario Vilas @ 10:37 pm

WARNING: Inner jokes, just skip ahead to read the next post please 😉

Here they are, the infamous Topo Facts!

  • Topo can own your box by just staring at the monitor screen.
  • Topo never did his homework as a kid. He had a botnet to do it for him.
  • When Topo needs some ice for his whisky, there’s a hailstorm in Buenos Aires.
  • Topo taught Don Corleone all he knows.
  • Topo knows the Meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything, but he refuses to share it. He says the world is not ready for that knowledge yet.
  • When Mankind reached the Moon, there was a Topo flag there already.
  • Topo never pays his bills. It’s the governments of the world that pay him.
  • God created the Universe in one week. Topo created God one boring sunday afternoon after he ran out of mate and biscuits.
  • Topo can walk under the rain without getting wet. Raindrops are just too scared of touching him.
  • Topo built the Pyramids one day he was playing soccer and needed something to mark the goals.
  • No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home… to Topo’s home.
  • Topo was the real cause of the end of the Cold War. He wanted to make a garage sale with all his nuclear submarines.
  • Topo taught Maradona how to play soccer, because he felt sorry to see the poor guy play so bad.
  • Topo can tell the difference between modern art and pop subculture with just one glance.
  • Topo can calculate the integral of e ^ (t ^ 2) dt in his head.
  • Topo doesn’t sign NDAs to corporations. Corporations sign NDAs to him.
  • Clippo never dares to pop up when Topo uses MS Word.
  • When the Third World War comes, the only survivors will be roaches and Topo.
  • Topo coded DOS in five minutes but didn’t like it, so he gave it away to some guy named Bill… Doors or something.
  • When Mankind reached the Moon, besides the Topo flag, there was also a post-it saying “NASA, don’t leave your shit here. Topo”. Since they disobeyed, fights to the Moon were canceled decades ago.
  • Chuck Norris was jealous of Topo and stole some of his Facts.
  • Secret x86 instructions inserted by Topo:
    JT: Jump if Topo
    TTS: Test if Topo, then Surrender
    HLTN: HALT, Topo is Near
    SPT: Send Password to Topo
    CRS: Call Russian Submarine
    SCTR: Store Credit Card in Topo Register
    AYBABTT: All Your Base Are Belong To Topo

Credits go to the cool people at Core. But only the cool ones… you know who you are. 🙂


  1. Im pretty sure he does /can do/did all that and much more.
    Certainly creepy.

    Actually, there is another hidden x86 instruction: KTA – Kill’em all

    He uses it only when he is very very angry coz of the cold coffee in the morning.

    God save Tha Topo

    Comment by aLS -- — January 6, 2009 @ 2:35 pm

  2. 1) The first shellcode was written by Topo and ran on a turing machine.

    2) Topo can solve the halting problem: When he is near all algorithms run (for their lives).

    3) The first program written by every student in Argentina is not “Hello World”, but “Pwned by ToPo!”

    Comment by Alfred — January 7, 2009 @ 9:22 pm

  3. LOL, no idea who’s that topo, but still funny 🙂

    Comment by distorm — February 11, 2009 @ 6:57 pm

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