Breaking Code

January 5, 2009

Topo Facts!

Filed under: Just for fun — Mario Vilas @ 10:37 pm

WARNING: Inner jokes, just skip ahead to read the next post please ;)

Here they are, the infamous Topo Facts!

  • Topo can own your box by just staring at the monitor screen.
  • Topo never did his homework as a kid. He had a botnet to do it for him.
  • When Topo needs some ice for his whisky, there’s a hailstorm in Buenos Aires.
  • Topo taught Don Corleone all he knows.
  • Topo knows the Meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything, but he refuses to share it. He says the world is not ready for that knowledge yet.
  • When Mankind reached the Moon, there was a Topo flag there already.
  • Topo never pays his bills. It’s the governments of the world that pay him.
  • God created the Universe in one week. Topo created God one boring sunday afternoon after he ran out of mate and biscuits.
  • Topo can walk under the rain without getting wet. Raindrops are just too scared of touching him.
  • Topo built the Pyramids one day he was playing soccer and needed something to mark the goals.
  • No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home… to Topo’s home.
  • Topo was the real cause of the end of the Cold War. He wanted to make a garage sale with all his nuclear submarines.
  • Topo taught Maradona how to play soccer, because he felt sorry to see the poor guy play so bad.
  • Topo can tell the difference between modern art and pop subculture with just one glance.
  • Topo can calculate the integral of e ^ (t ^ 2) dt in his head.
  • Topo doesn’t sign NDAs to corporations. Corporations sign NDAs to him.
  • Clippo never dares to pop up when Topo uses MS Word.
  • When the Third World War comes, the only survivors will be roaches and Topo.
  • Topo coded DOS in five minutes but didn’t like it, so he gave it away to some guy named Bill… Doors or something.
  • When Mankind reached the Moon, besides the Topo flag, there was also a post-it saying “NASA, don’t leave your shit here. Topo”. Since they disobeyed, fights to the Moon were canceled decades ago.
  • Chuck Norris was jealous of Topo and stole some of his Facts.
  • Secret x86 instructions inserted by Topo:
    JT: Jump if Topo
    TTS: Test if Topo, then Surrender
    HLTN: HALT, Topo is Near
    SPT: Send Password to Topo
    CRS: Call Russian Submarine
    SCTR: Store Credit Card in Topo Register
    AYBABTT: All Your Base Are Belong To Topo

Credits go to the cool people at Core. But only the cool ones… you know who you are. :)

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